Idle Thinking
by JimVonJam
Summary: AU where an older Naomi, recovering from a bad breakup is forced out socialising in London, where she lives, by her pals Cook and Effy. She's secretly hoping to maybe meet someone special... and maybe she will. Maybe someone she never expected. My first story so a slow start, but will pick up - be gentle
1. Chapter 1: The Start

**Idle thinking**

 **Part one: The start**

 _Idle thinking will be the death of me_ she thought.

Hmm _why_ was that thought always followed by a deep sigh?

And why was _that_ thought getting more prevalent….

It wasn't like she wasn't happy. She had a great job she had worked hard for, good friends (again) , both near and far. Hell she'd been so sensible she had financial stability, suitable qualifications and work progression. She had her health (hadn't her mother raved on long enough about _that_ in the past), yes indeed she had "a lot to be grateful for" indeed … she had, she had, she had…

 _What about the_ _she had not_ _?"_

When she stopped 'doing' and 'being busy' there was, she knew, a ranging emptiness inside. Ever since her last relationship with Voldemort (she who shall not be named, all those years of reading Harry Potter really hadn't been a waste after all) had ended so unexpectedly, suddenly and hurtfully she had closed down and made living and not _enjoying living_ her life.

And that, her pragmatic side piped up, was exactly the reason she was off tonight to the 'Gay Wine and Dine Club'. Time to broaden that circle of acquaintances (and maybe more).

Sober, sane and solvent – really quite the catch on any level all her mates reminded her regularly. And only (cough) late 30's too. Lots of reassurance as everyone close knew how hard and far she had fallen for her ex, although now they were apart (estranged?) all somehow felt free to confess their own ' _Voldemort wasn't quite right for you/Voldemort was a horror'_ stories… why had no one said these things sooner?

Anyway time to go out and mingle and meet. As if on cue there was a knock on the door, she opened it to find her best mates smiling winningly at her – with the merest hint of glaze to their eyes.

'Fuck me Blondie, looking mint as ever'

'Fuck off Cook, still not interested'

The usual standoff then commenced with best mate Effy – both feigning disinterest, waiting for the other to cave and speak first. A long standing bad habit this one, but one they both secretly enjoyed.

'Jesus are you two twats going to keep this up all night or can we just make sure she actually leaves the house as we… owwwwff'.

Naomi tried her best not to smirk as her best mate thwacked Cook in the ribs.

'Really Effy?' She raised an eyebrow and looked at her best mate in her best Bette Davis I'm-really-seriously-not-impressed-at-all impression (ok Bette Davis was a really old movie star, but by god that women was scary and if she could only channel half of that she was on a winner… and besides when was it wrong to be an old movie fan thought Naomi?)

'It's about time' her mate replied cryptically – as per bloody usual Naomi thought. Jesus, would Effy ever be capable of constructing full sentences or even holding a normal conversations?

'Yes, yes it's me, I'm ready and really quite capable of heading out on my own – you know almost a bona fide adult and everything now' Naomi almost lapsed into her special top quality sarcasm but reminded herself these two had picked up the pieces, literally in her case, after the devastation following Voldemorts announcements:

' _I don't fancy you anymore_ '.

Leading to departure to stay at a friend to ' _just to think about things_ '.

An eventual return to the joint house (easier to think of it that way than as theirs), for her to then declare ' _it's still over, maybe we can go pick up girls together in bars_?'

It was then of course that you packed up and moved out, six years together and all your hopes, dreams and future plans crushed. You never saw it coming.

Of course all that was BEFORE discovering Voldemort had been cheating all along and the 'friend' she went and stayed with while supposedly thinking things over was… well really very, very friendly indeed. Very friendly. Friends with benefits friendly. Friends with LOTS and LOTS of benefits as it turned out. And apparently had been for a while.

Yeah you'd been duped, very duped alright. Stitched up like a kipper.

'Oi Blondie, enough with the bloody thinking, let's get you a little bit fucked up before you finally muff munch anew'. Cook smiled winningly, pleased with himself at his insight.

'Fuck off Cook, bloody hell can you explain to me why do you both feel the need to escort me?'

'Because'. Another cryptic single word Effy sentence. Bloody hell would the women never speak normally Naomi thought?

And it was for those reasons Naomi found herself 'escorted' via a few pubs ('dutch courage mate, you could use it') to a central London bar, where the Gay Wine and Dine Club, (lesbian section) were holding their latest, "discretion assured, social gathering opportunity to mingle and meet in a superior environment" wine tasting session.

Well at least she could really get royally pissed if it all went wrong.

Naomi had joined the club not long after the Voldemort break up. She was a naturally social person who had slowly spent more and more time at home and less and less (or was it fewer and fewer her logical brain tried to ponder) time spent with her friends during her relationship with 'V'. She had, she realised later, actually neglected her mates but they had hung in there and once the relationship with 'V' ended she acknowledged something they had long known, she really could do with expanding her social circle.

This self-actualisation insight was expedited by the new age wisdom spouted by, of all people, Cook:

 _'fuck me you've finally emerged from solitary confinement – time off for good behaviour?'_

 _'so you can still talk then, like all by yeself?'_

 _'still out after 7pm, how the fuck will you cope?'_

 _'watch out for the pumpkin and mice Cinders, it's well gone 8.30pm'_

That boy would never change – straight shooter till the end. No wonder he'd startled everyone, absolutely everyone, by turning out to be an incredibly successful football agent. Apparently he was so blunt, hard core and relentless the players related to him and the suits accommodated him. Go figure.

And Effy's enigmatic as ever one word comment was more simplistically 'rebirth'. Effy, her best mate was still as hard to decipher as ever. But her charms, insight and ability to read others made her a formidable negotiator. She free lanced amongst top law firm commercial negotiators and unsettled many of the tough London leagle eagles.

No wonder these two had managed to get her out of the house again Naomi thought.

To be fair, ever since she had emerged in tears from her relationship break down, Cook and Effy had been especially supportive (bordering on obsessive) about her firstly joining and then almost religiously attending almost every lesbian social outing there was. They had especially pushed her to attend events by the Wine and Dine Club.

Cooks rational was she was a well fit and classy bird so where better?

Effy's was more simply 'because' and ever since the first event a few weeks ago they had been badgering her about when she was going again next.

This evening they actually walked her to the door. Cook gave her a big kiss on the cheek and made a lewd gesture with both hand and hips waggling both tongue and eyebrows (almost a skill that thought a slightly tiddly Naomi). Effy leaned in to kiss her cheek and said quietly 'I think tonight is one where your horizon's will expand'

And so Naomi turned, girded her loins, gathered her courage and walked inside.


	2. Chapter 2: The Bar

**Idle thinking**

 **Thank you for all those who read and kindly (and gently) reviewed my first ever chapter. I used to read a lot and never review as I honestly didn't know what to say. So thank you.**

 **Big cheers to MyNameIsLizzie whose threat to stop writing conquered my laziness and forced (forced, coerced and compelled!) me into starting writing. Cheers Lizzie.**

 **I do blame work this last week or so for halting my writing. Somehow Lizzie managed to post three chapters before I posted this second chapter…Lizzie - you are amazing!**

 **This has been a real struggle of a chapter for me… fingers crossed.**

 **Finally, I don't own Skins… in fact I've only watched snippets of it… so I wouldn't be expecting anything but AU and sly nods to the classic lines if I were you…**

 **CHAPTER TWO: The Bar**

 **The Next Morning**

 _So this is it then, I'm actually dead_ – Naomi thought as she floated in an out of body hazy type existence that had nothing to do with any actual drugs and was blissful, quiet, relaxing and calmly loving.

The more she thought about it the more real it seemed. She was weightless and sort of there-but-not. Aware but not. Bodied but not. And there was a faint smell of… lavender? Rose and lavender? Primroses? Mint?

Some bloody garden plant type smell, she couldn't be sure not really being the green fingered type.

Her Mum was of course. A hippie Capability Brown. Especially partial to poppies and plants with leaves that frequently went up in smoke… nicely rolled first of course. 'Good for what ails you' indeed!

What the hell, she thought, if this really is the end I've had a pretty good innings. Naomi was peaceful in this gentle hazy yet buoyant state.

She heard a slow exhale and the noise of the slightest movement, some sort of swishy gown if she'd been pushed to identify it. Then the light got brighter and brighter, just like all those books and stories and cheap movies on tv… she was finally going to meet her maker, this was it.

The End.

One thing began to bother her. Where were all those harps and strings playing that sort of Enya-ish Celtic ethereal soothing music that was always on the movies (and as heard in lifts) at moments like this?

Then a female voice rather dispassionately stated: _You know you fucked Cook last night, right?_

 _ **The previous evening, at the Bar entrance**_

Naomi walked through the entrance into the crowded central London bar.

She was only slightly taking things in because of two reasons: one she was crap observationally at the best of times and two, this was not really the best of times.

Naomi remembered the pre-drinks-drinks and pep talks that Cook had insisted would help _'her appreciate the laydeez and the laydeez appreciate her''_.

Thanks to her mates rather mystifying outstanding career/ financial success, she usually drank at upmarket bars and hotels when going out.

Because of Cook's legendary "connections" they usually to any of the top restaurants and bars without needing reservations. His football clients liked to flash and splash the cash, and apparently the resulting PR on both back and front pages (headlines about players falling outside clubs or married players seen cosying with someone who was not their wife), meant most all ambitious London restaurant and bar owners started salivating and warmly greeting Cook when they saw him on their premises - like he was the answer to their balance sheet wet dreams.

Which he was actually.

Because the hordes always descended onto whatever places his clients had visited, earnestly believing their heroes attendance conferred a "must be seen at" status which in turn guaranteed huge profits for the greedy owners.

Well at least Cook was making _someone's sheets_ happy, Naomi thought grumpily.

The bar off Piccadilly Circus ('tourist trap ally' Naomi thought) was a step back to the pre Voldemort past when, after religiously 'pre-loading' drinks at home, she, Cook and Effy used to charm free drinks and more from anyone they could.

But that was ages ago. Here she was slimmer than she ought to be. Since the "V" split, the weight had just fallen off her and the copious lentil ' _red cross emergency parcels'_ religiously sent by her worried Mum had been gratefully diverted to and accepted by all her vegetarian work colleagues.

She was looking good too thanks to Effy's assistance at the shops. Finally, she was more emotionally buoyed than she had felt for ages thanks to the positive motivational pep talks from Cook and Effy – ' _just smile and say hello'_.

So here she was – at her 'club', with her 'people' as Cook keep insisting - the infamous Gay Wine and Dine Club, (lesbian section). She reminded herself again she could always get bladdered if nothing and no one appealed - risk mitigation being rather her forte nowadays.

Looking around she noticed the pub was blessed with sparsely dressed women and brash braying blokes in polo shirts (quelle surprise indeed!). Bracing herself she walked towards the left where a roped off area was being guarded. Why, she wondered, was it _always_ a pointless red velvet rope that was used to keep a small section of pub space from the remainder of the pub.

'Hi'

Looking around Naomi realised she was being greeted by a grinning and bouncing blonde woman who at first glance appeared to be in the midst of a rather severe hyperglycaemic attack. Then again possibly she was manic with who-knows-what drugs coursing through her veins (the pub was close enough to _that_ part of town after all). Then again, Naomi thought maybe she was just unbelievably cheerfully upbeat, hell maybe she was even all three.

This cheerful over a simple wine tasting evening at a pub? This woman was clearly destined for an epic career in advertising, PR or marketing Naomi nastily thought.

Immediately she heard her Mum's voice in her head sternly telling her off for being so judgemental to someone she hadn't even had the common courtesy to say 'hello' to as yet.

'Hi I'm Naomi, here with the club?'

Mentally Naomi smacked herself over the head. Christ she sounded like some socially inept throwback to the 1950's. Her Mums voice smugly said 'payback' in her head.

Well she'd blown her entrance then. The image she wanted to project this evening wasn't the boring socially incompetent moron she'd just sounded like, even to herself. She had aimed at emulating Effy's effortless cool…..

'Hi I'm Caroline!' the vibrating tower of happiness smiled winningly back at Naomi revealing rows of inhumanly white, blindingly white, teeth.

Naomi changed her mind about Caroline's possible career options and began instead visualising her hosting and presenting on one of the eternally cheerful late night shopping channels that sold useless rubbish. Naomi had been reduced to watching those channels endlessly (and occasionally buying items from them after too much wine) amid the many sleepless nights of despair and tears after Voldemort had left.

Who knew she'd really just had to have "the latest collapsible lettuce crisper"… she didn't even like lettuce for heaven's sake.

She heard her Mum saying "tsk, tsk" in her head.

Shit, she was stuck in her head again. Thinking about lettuce crisper in her cupboard at home. No wonder Voldemort had abandoned her.

Great, now she was thinking about Voldemort again, she needed to ' _change the blooming record luv'_ as Cook had more than once recommended.

God why was she thinking so much still about her ex, why was she simply unable to shake it off a la Taylor Swift?

Shit, now she was mentally quoting Taylor Swift … she really, really needed to get a grip and get on with her life.

'It's been like blooming ages innit?' said blonde Caroline

'Has it?' Naomi replied genuinely puzzled

Bugger, shit, shit, shit, thought Naomi. Shit I've met her before and shit I can't remember where. She looked again at the smiling Caroline through the pubs ever diminishing lights (another bloody London pub mystery, why do they insist on radically dimming lights in all pubs at a certain time?).

Why did her life seem to have stopped and frozen ever since the exact moment Voldemort said it was over? Why hadn't she _seen_ the end coming? Why couldn't she stop rehashing everything that had happened _over and over_ in her head and what she could have done differently and why had Voldemort….

'Errr hellloooo?' said Caroline waving a hand in her face and looked anxious. 'Anyone in there? You alright?'

Naomi managed to nod.

'Listen I work sometimes with Effy and she told me you've had a bit of a rough time, and to make sure you had fun. You really alright babes?' Caroline actually looked concerned.

Naomi somehow wasn't surprised. After all Voldemort had often said… no, damn it that was not happening again.

Enough was enough, Naomi thought. Tonight, tomorrow and onwards was going to be about _her future_ and not her past. Since she had actually been on the fast track this evening to being a dull and grumpy sod, so Naomi decided instead to enjoy the night. She was going to throw herself wholeheartedly into wine tasting, chat to as many people as possible and have as much fun as possible.

It was a massive epiphany of sorts – time for life, fun, laughs, new friends and taking chances. Saying yes. Moving on.

So she made a pact with herself - stop fretting over what _had_ happened and anticipate and welcome what _could_ happen

Naomi pulled her shoulders back and smiled genuinely for the first time at Caroline

'Cheers Caroline, so long as I'm not first up for the pole dancing afterwards I'm sure tonight will all be fine'

'That's well weird' Caroline said 'that's exactly what Effy said to make sure happened too. But the pole dancing is next week. Anyway tonight's wine tasting is right by those women to the left, enjoy yourself'

'Oh I will enjoy myself' said Naomi broadly smiled at Caroline, oddly feeling like a weight had come off her shoulders, 'I really, really will thanks'.

She walked off towards the numerous bottles of wine and groups of well dressed women she saw to the left of the room. She was going to have a great time this evening, no matter what. It was time to party, meet some people and live.

 **The next morning**

The female voice repeated: _You know you fucked Cook last night, right?_

Phew, thought Naomi, it really wasn't a near death experience then – that was lucky.

It was also definitely a relief.

The voice was Effy's and the bright light was not "passing over to the other side" but Effy opening curtains.

Those smells? Those awful scented e cigarettes Effy persisted in using despite her repeated warnings and requests to Effy to 'cease and desist'.

So, while it wasn't _her_ near death experience, Naomi was pretty sure _Effy_ might very well be facing a near death experience of her own very, very soon…

 **Thanks for reading. This chapter moved a bit slowly, but I wanted to convey the struggle for Naomi to let go/live it up…which is what happens next (and is mostly already written).**


	3. Chapter 3: Meeting

**Time for Naomi to go 'meet and greet'. Thanks to those reading, the real fun starts here.**

 **Skins…no ownership thereof, but a lot of affection thereto…**

 **CHAPTER THREE: Meeting**

 **Morning**

Effy had said: _You know you fucked Cook last night, right?_

Naomi just smiled.

'Nice try Eff… not going to fall for it'

'Made you wake up'

'Those revolting e cigarretes and the blinding sun directly in my face made me wake up actually, but nice of you to try and take direct credit, given I'm now going to have nightmares about Cook' Naomi responded

'Tell me about last night' said Effy

'I ..umm… met people'

 **Last night in the bar**

Looking around inside the famed velvet rope, Naomi saw about 15 - 20 nicely dressed women talking in groups around various tables loaded with glasses and wine.

She saw Elizabeth who she had met at other events - fine dining, art gallery late openings and the truly infamous comedy club evening.

Naomi had just clicked – friends only – with Liz who had one of those warm _come-and-talk-to-me_ friendly open faces, twinkly eyes and totally wicked sense of humour. Oh and she was totally drop dead gorgeous. Naomi relaxed, the evening really would be fine now. Liz was always awesome company.

She gave Liz a hug, grabbed a wine glass, topped it with whatever bottle was handy and asked her new friend how she'd been since the last event. After a hilarious story about Liz house sitting, but adding way, way too much bubble bath to the jaccuzzi style bath, that lead to chaos in the clean-up (something about bubbles cascading down stairs and Liz chasing after them starkers), Liz introduced Naomi to a dark haired, slightly shorter woman dressed casually in shirt and trousers with a very expensive watch and slightly too strong perfume.

Anna, it seemed, was an accountant. An accountant who liked to talk a lot. Mainly about her job, delays in her route to work because of slow and inconsiderate traffic and, with much passion, about possible implications for house prices should the UK vote to leave the EU.

Naomi listened gamely for at least 10 minutes before Anna picked up the clues and finally asked Naomi a question about herself. Naomi briefly explained her background (University then London) noticing that Anna kept looking at her watch while Naomi spoke. It was an expensive watch, but surely not worthy of so many looks in such a short period?

Naomi thought she was getting a hint, so asked Anna about any concerts she might be planning to attend?

10 minutes later Anna was still talking rapidly about how terribly disappointing artists actually were live, how it was simply much better and cost effective to listen to music at home than overpay to attend a concert which involved transport hassles and crowding.

Naomi didn't feel things were really 'gelling' with Anna and did not want to hog her time. She gracefully excused herself saying said she wanted to try different wines and moved off to another table.

There she met Linda. Linda was on crutches and apparently had been for some time after a terrible but random accident. Linda spent some 20 minutes explaining the unreasonable perils of trying to traverse the London Transport system with crutches. She then helpfully recommended to Naomi the various tube stops with lifts that made travelling with crutches much easier.

There are a lot of tube stops on London Underground, stations, all with their own merits.

Linda also spent quite some time talking through the unfortunate series of incidents that had led to her requiring crutches.

It was, Naomi thought, a very good thing she had decided to be positive and have fun tonight long before meeting Linda and Anna… because they weren't exactly a barrel of laughs.

However, she was all about the future now (and _not being so judgemental_ her mum's voice in her head said), so onwards and upwards.

So smiling she bid a farewell to a slightly disappointed looking Linda and went to a new table and tried new wine. There she bumped into Liz.

'What's with the clock watcher and the crutches?' asked Liz conspiratorially

'You noticed' Naomi replied drily

'Bit hard not too… not your sort of people or you no longer like talking at all and have become a Trappist Monk?'

They both giggled.

'You've met them before then eh Liz?'

'Yep, glad to share them with you too'.

'Frankly a bit…umm.. intense for me. I'm looking for more laughs' Naomi was somewhat surprised at her own candour that she was in fact looking.

Liz smiled, then leaned over and quietly said 'Red head. 6 o'clock. Her eyes have been all over you since you first walked in. Don't make it obvious when you look'.

Accountant Anna then walked between them, faced Naomi and stated she'd wanted to talk through the London Mayoral elections and candidates with her.

Gamely Liz interrupted Anna, explaining how Naomi had simply _insisted_ she talk to Anna to better her understanding of the implications on the housing market should the UK decide to leave Europe.

Anna gave Naomi a rather pleased smile, then started to explain to Liz the intricacies of various economic and political events affecting the cyclical movement of housing prices linked to inevitable immigration.

Liz half turned to block Anna from Naomi, and behind her back made shoo-ing type motions to Naomi with her hand.

Naomi wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth and didn't hang about. She started walking towards the rather attractive red head at 6 o'clock.

 **The Next Morning - interrogation**

'Okay, well yes, I did as you and Cook instructed and "met people"…oh yes I was the veritable queen of smiling and saying hello'

'Tell me more about these "people"' Effy said

'How long have you got?'

'How many numbers did you get?'

'A few'

Effy whistled softly in appreciation

 **At the Bar the Night Before**

As Naomi made a mental note to profusely thank Liz for her generous and timely 'Anna-intervention' and glanced casually around. Sure enough she found a pair of welcoming and enticing warm brown eyes looking towards her from the table at the far wall opposite. She felt a strange crackle, like a slight static electricity charge, down her back. She started walking towards that table.

'Oh hello'

A hand was suddenly thrust towards her from her left hand side, stopping her from moving forward and she glanced towards it. A smiling, definitely attractive brown haired women with a pixie face was bobbing up and down slightly trying to catch her eye.

 _Just smile and say hello._ Cook and Effy's pre drinks mantra came back to her.

She had the whole night and could meet those enticing brown eyes a little later. No rush after all. Naomi did however make a definite mental note to make sure she spoke to the red head at some stage.

'Hi, I'm Naomi'

'Hi, I'm Emms'.

The smaller women had a firm handshake and amazing smile. They started chatting and Naomi was surprised how immediately easy conversation was and how much they laughed before eventually exchanging numbers.

 **Later that Night**

After leaving the wine tasting, a rather drunk Naomi decided to grab a bite to eat before heading home. She had skipped lunch and after tasting close to her bodyweight in various wines ( _value for money, be proud Mum!)_ accordinglyeating anything at this stage was at the very least sensible if not necessary.

The wine tasting had been an unmitigated success. She had chatted, flirted, laughed lots and had definitely fun. She'd given Caroline a big hug and thank you as she bid her farewells.

She had surprised herself with how popular she had been, including being the focus of several woman's attentions. She'd made some friends and definitely attracted interest. Naomi had regrettably not managed to catch up with the red head during her social whirl, which was a downer, but she wasn't dwelling on it given in her wine induced state she was fuzzily happy and content to be heading home.

Liz had also shared, just before she left, how Anna the accountant had asked Liz to pass her number to Naomi.

Naomi was, apparently, quite the hit and Anna was very, very keen to see her again. Despite the active clock watching whenever Naomi spoke, Anna was really quite smitten with her.

Go figure.

But definitely no chance

Looking around Naomi decided to continue her new life of enjoyment and not sensibility – so she purchased a kebab.

Cook would kill himself laughing if he saw her, given her normal 'healthy eating' she thought.

She started to think about the possible innuendos Cook would try to come up with now she was a "kebab muncher".

Cook had quite the way with innuendoes when he put his mind to it.

Since it was a warm night she stood on the footpath eating and thinking about what Cook might say.

A woman in front of her swore quietly as she dropped her change all over the footpath. Being polite and if truth be told always chivalrous, Naomi helped her to pick the coins up (and heard Cook in her head reminding her to remember to pick _both the women and the coins up_. Never missed a trick did Cook).

The female voice softly said 'thank you'.

Naomi was stunned and momentarily frozen. The voice was husky, smoky and just sexy beyond description. It promised things…. bodies intertwined on cold mornings, days snuggled in bed, nights of her wildest dreams and then more. It promised soothing, inflammation, salvation and satisfaction. It promised so much… it promised the world.

It also ignited Naomi's long dormant and suppressed (crushed?) libido, as if someone had thrown petrol onto a bonfire. Naomi was embarrassed to say she was a bit breathless and embarrassingly hot and blushing. Her engine was well and truly revving all right, as she was crouched in the street holding her kebab.

From two spoken words!

Finally getting her act together, Naomi looked up and saw the voices owner. Red haired and brown eyed. The "regret" from the wine tasting was standing right there in front of her.

 **Reviews welcomed**


	4. Chapter 4: De Brief

**Thanks for reading on! Let's all find out what happened the previous night shall we?**

 **Skins…no ownership but much affection …**

 **CHAPTER FOUR: De-Brief**

 _ **Mid-Morning the Next Day**_

'Do I _have_ to do this' Naomi asked

'Yes' Cook and Effy said in unison

' _Really_ '?

'Yes really'

The _morning-after-the-night-before_ debriefs with Effy and Cook were a regular thing between them all. It was usually a chance for Effy and Cook to provide moral boosting encouragement for any slight foray by Naomi into the dating or social scene.

A regular feedback session that Naomi was only now deeply, deeply regretting.

'Ok to quickly recap' Naomi said 'After the lovely evening in the wine bar, Caroline was a _very nice and discrete guardian_ thank you Effy, where I met quite a few lovely women and drank rather a lot of wine, yes Cook be proud, I met this special woman on the street'

Cook raised an eyebrow lecherously

' _On_ the street not _from_ the streets Cook, mind out of the gutter if you please'

'Point taken blondie, please continue' Cook smirked and gestured _on_ with his hands

'She was amazing – and not just because I was pissed. I helped her pick up money she dropped and we talked and joked, it was nice, she was nice, I just felt something, it was…special. I don't get it, but there's just _something_ there' Naomi said shaking her head and not inconsiderably surprised by her honesty.

'Nice' said Effy

'What does she do?' Cook quickly asked.

Effy quirked an eyebrow at Cook's unexpected interest in occupations given his queries usually focussed directly on visual appearance ('tits and bums' he had more than once proudly declared as being his focus) rather than career guidance or aspirations.

'We agreed talking about what you did was so depressingly dull and predictable… so we mutually agreed to make up jobs.'

'And…' prompted Cook

'She's a Lion Tamer – what with her figure and that gorgeous red hair..'

Cook and Effy quickly exchanged pointed looks, Cook smirked and did a "high five" with Effy and a little Mick Jagger inspired peacock strut

'And I told her I was… '

'A gynaecologist?' Cook couldn't help himself interrupting

' _NO!_ What? Cook, just _no_ for gods sake…'

'A control freak then?'

'Thanks Effy, how very thoughtful, but no. I said I was a yoga teacher, into crystals and stuff'

Stunned silence

'Look I was quite pissed and _physiologically distracted_ so couldn't think of anything better at the time!'

Cook and Effy exchanged more obvious looks this time

'Look we just clicked and talked for ages and it was lovely, really lovely, she was quite amazing, so different, oh and her voice…. Oh my god _her voice'_ Naomi's face went a bit dreamy

'Please tell me you got her number' said Cook after allowing Naomi a suitable time of reflection and memories

'I didn't ask her for it'

Cook and Effy exchanged horrified looks

'She didn't ask me for mine either! It was all a bit of a rush, then her ride came and… I shit… I was just left stunned….' Naomi tried to justify herself

'Do you get a name?' asked Effy pointedly

'Course she does! Bloody hell Effs she's not a bloody beginner' laughed Cook

Naomi went pale and stilled.

'Oh my god… tell me you got a name' pleaded Cook looking increasingly anxious

'Not exactly…' mumbled Naomi

'You _liked_ her, you _talked_ to her and _you didn't even get a name_?' Cook was incredulous and threw his hands up in exasperation

'Um no. It was all so quick! What am I going to do? I don't know how to find her I mean meet her…I might never see her again' pleaded an ashen faced Naomi

Effy paused and then smiled beatifically. Her eyes sparkled dangerously and she just looked _monumentally_ pleased with herself. Like she had been secretly holding a 'get out of jail card' during a vicious monopoly game, had the last ticket to a hot concert, a winning lottery ticket or knew the winner of the Great British bake off in advance.

Cook noticed and started grinning. Naomi was now very worried indeed.

'Omg no… Effy I don't know what you are thinking but just no', Naomi sounded a bit panicked

Cook squealed and started fidgeting like a two-year-old on an epic sugar rush

'Oh no… you've got a plan' Naomi knew she was for it

Effy nodded

There was silence, broken only by Cook grinning like a loon.

'I'm going to have to ask you for this aren't I?' Naomi ventured

Effy nodded again

'You won't just give it up will you?'

Effy shock her head adamantly

'And I'm really not going to like it am I' said Naomi

Effy nodded yet again

More silence. Cook knew better than to interrupt and swivelled his head back and forth between them like a spectator at an epic Wimbledon tennis match.

Naomi caved.

'Okay I give in. _Please_ Effy do you have any idea how I could possibly find her? I will be _eternally grateful_ I promise'

Effy almost purred with pleasure but still stayed silent.

'Seriously Eff, this really matters and I don't know why it just does ok?'

Effy caved.

'It's really very easy Naomi Campbell. Frankly I'm very, very disappointed you haven't realised'.

Effy let the silence drag out a little more before finally delivering the coup de grace

' _You need to go pole dancing'_

It was only then that Naomi remembered her fateful words to Caroline when she had entered the pub the night before….

' _Cheers Caroline, so long as I'm not first up for the pole dancing afterwards I'm sure tonight will all be fine'_

' _That's well weird'_ Caroline had said _'that's exactly what Effy said to make sure happened too. But the pole dancing is next week. Anyway tonight's wine tasting is right by those women to the left, enjoy yourself'_

Bloody psychic Effy Stonem had struck again.

 _ **Later that day**_

'No Naomi' said an exasperated Effy

'But why Eff? Why couldn't Caroline just tell me who she was and how to contact her?' Naomi was giving Effy the best "puppy dog" look she could manage

Effy raised an eyebrow.

'Two reasons Einstein – ethics/ privacy and secondly, and far more importantly, _you_ _didn't get a name_ so asking for 'the red head with brown eyes' might not be as simple as your borderline-obsessed mind seems to think'

Naomi pouted.

Effy continued - 'I'm very interested in your stated _physiological distraction_ '

'Oh'. Naomi looked guilty and realised she should have known that little slip would have been pounced upon by Effy. Probably she really should be thanking her lucky stars Cook had seemed to have missed it.

'You know what that little confession means don't you' stated Effy

Naomi nodded

'You physically fancied her and it really blindsided you. This is real and serious'

Naomi nodded glumly

'You have the hots big time for Miss Mystery'

'Please don't tell Cook Eff, I'll never hear the end of it'

'Your secret is safe. But make no mistake, this is very good news indeed Campbell'

 _ **The night before – kebab in hand**_

'You have a beautiful voice'

Naomi's own voice betrayed her to the red head. Mentally she smacked herself in the head, stalker/cheesy cat up lines much Naomi? So much for that effortless cool she had aspired to at the start of the evening

Red, fortunately laughed, and wasn't _that_ sound one of the best sounds Naomi had ever heard

'Thank you' _that_ voice said as Naomi's insides combusted again at the sound _._ 'My voice has been called lots of things but not beautiful before'.

It must be the reflection from the mini cab office, she can't possibly be blushing … can she… thought Naomi.

Naomi's mouth set off again without engaging her brain.

'I'm so sorry that was really forward and honestly a bit crap. It's just, I saw you earlier, at the wine tasting and had hoped to get a chance to impress, I mean speak to you'

Oh my god! Naomi wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Not only had she admitted to stalking the girl, bad enough, but she'd followed that up by stating she wanted to impress her.

Naomi's brain reflected her suave act really, really needed an awful lot of work. She wondered if there were classes she could enrol in.

The red head fortunately smiled and laughed

'You certainly _impressed_ alright… but you didn't quite manage to speak to me did you?'

Those brown eyes were a warm chocolate-ish haze, but Naomi could have sworn she saw a twinkle in them under the street lights

'My bad' said Naomi wondering exactly when it was she had decided to became so honest and transparent with strangers, had her drinks been spiked all night with an honesty drug?

Then boldly she stepped towards the red head

'But how could an evening behind a red velvet rope compete with this vista? A kebab shop, overflowing rubbish bin, drunks fighting one block over and your knight in shining armour - brandishing said kebab - rescuing your life's savings from the street'.

Shit she was full on flirting now with her stranger. Well the red head would either think she was a charmer or a nutter… and the jury was definitely out on which option would be chosen.

The red haired smiled and _that voice_ which really was quite distracting said 'go on then Galahad, my knight in shining armour, tell me something about you'

'My name's Naomi and…' she stopped talking as the red head immediately raised her hand and interrupted her saying 'No'

'Umm sorry?'

The red head shook her head, but crucially stayed smiling.

'Nope, nope, nope - none of that who are you, what do you do, where did you go to school rubbish'.

 _ **The next day**_

'Cookie's saved the day blondie'

Naomi's eyes narrowed suspiciously

'What do you mean?'

'Well Blondie, Effs here might help you _meet_ the girl, but babes, I'm going to help you bloody _win_ the girl'

 _ **That evening**_

Naomi was still laughing with the red head as a car pulled up next to them. The red head opened the car door and spoke. Naomi swore she heard the words 'thanks Dad, just a minute'

'Your _Dad_ is picking you up? Naomi couldn't believe this, not at their age! Although she wasn't actually sure of her mystery woman's age come to think of it…

'Never knock a free ride Naomi' said the red head with a wink as she got into the car

'Rigggghhhht' Naomi smirked back at her

The red head shut the door, leaned out the window and said 'Oh, by the way, don't be Galahad Naomi, Galahad didn't get the girl'

The car left. Naomi was left standing staring blindly and stupidly after it. The cold kebab lay forgotten in her hand.

 **Cookie help…what could go wrong? Reviews welcomed and a big thank you for reading along with me**


	5. Chapter 5:Rhythm's Not A Dancer

**Skins…love, for the bits I like…grudging acceptance for the rest…still "Fire proof" and no ownership**

 **The** _ **Other Half**_ **has been away so I've been free to write. She's back tonight (yippee) so things will slow down a bit writing wise, but there is still going to be writing…**

 **CHAPTER FIVE: Rhythm's Not A Dancer - apparently**

 _ **Forward Planning**_

'I'm not sure about _you_ helping me _win_ the girl' Naomi stood arms folded defensively looking at Cook

'Babes have I ever let you down?'

Naomi starting counting down the ways:

'Cook, _Firstly_ you've tried to entice me into numerous three-some's, yes, yes ok it was _mostly_ years ago but you still tried, time after time! [Cook looked only slightly bashful]

 _Secondly_ you gave me the world's worst pickup lines I couldn't ever actually use and needed therapy to get over hearing you _even say those things out loud_. [Naomi shuddered just remembering]

 _Thirdly_ some of your "inflatable", "battery powered" or "stress relieving" gifts, that while being apparently well intentioned were _not_ family friendly or openable in public places. We nearly all got arrested that one time for a public order offence in the cafe! [Cook tried to hide his smirk]

 _Fourthly_ your friends 'casually' dropping by to see you, before some urgent preposterous and clearly pre-planned made-up emergency saw you quickly called you away, leaving me to "entertain" the 'friend', actually _redefined dating disasters_ and car crashes. No wonder Effy wanted me try out for TV's "Bad Dates" …'.

Cook saw his chance when Naomi paused to draw breath and leapt in

'Blondie – you got to kiss the frogs to get to your princess. Now I _may_ have been a _little_ bit off beam in my wild younger years, but I've your best interests at heart yeah?' Cook smiled at her winningly before continuing.

'You've made it well plain you aren't after a quick session or three of _frankly desperately needed_ and long overdue stress relief and that's fine – your life babes, your rules. Horses for courses and all that. To each man his own yada, yada'. Cook was on a roll now

Naomi nodded encouragement for Cook to continue

'You just really seem to like this bird. _Like really like._ She's made a well good impression on you. So I reckon you want to make a well good impression on her eh?'

Naomi nodded

'And while brandishing kebabs around on a grotty pavement gives rise to a _certain degree of sophistication_ ' and at this point Cook openly smirked and paused letting the 'degree of sophistication' wording to really sink in

'Babes,I'm telling you - _we can do better_. Trust me mate, I can help!'. Cook spread his arms wide in an all embracing religious like pose

'I'm a man _who gets names and phone numbers_. I've contacts and connections like you wouldn't believe. I am the-man-that-can. Scouts honour mate, I want to see that _you get this girl'_ Cook beamed at her like a movie star on a poster, or the rough and ready one from a cheesy 90's boy bands at least

'You were never a scout Cook were you? But still, all things considered, that's really rather sweet'. Naomi start thinking maybe Cook had grown up in these last few years after all. Here he was just trying to help her out and charm this woman. He wasn't such a bad egg after all.

'…and my fall back plan is you could just nail her. Quick and very, very dirty. Hit and run. It's an option worth seriously thinking about babes, because honestly it's been a fair while for you now and you have to be wound up tighter than a –' .

'COOK!'

'Joking babes, joking! Just havin a laugh'. Cook backed away from Naomi, before quickly adding

'Seriously mate, clearly you've no unrelieved sexual tension in you _whatsoever_ , all is hunky dory, not a frustration to be seen.'

 _ **The Next Day**_

Naomi agreed to accompany Cook to his pals, _the 3 Amigos_ as he charmingly put it. These were the 'mint' and 'top class' pole dancers who 'couldn't fail' to assist her. Cook was there to do the introductions and then scarper – right quick.

Naomi wanted _as few witnesses as possible_ to her lack of coordination.

Naomi baulked as they stood outside a discrete plain door in an upmarket part of London when she spotted a well-polished brass plate announced " _Amigos Gentlemen's Club – please ring bell_ ".

Naomi looked swiftly at Cook, but he had his butter-wouldn't melt-in-his- mouth crossed with innocent choirboy look plastered in his face.

'Faith mate, faith' he said to her as they went inside.

'Am I to meet Hope and Charity in here as well or will it just be Peaches, Sugar and Crystal?' Naomi said snarkily in response.

Cook wisely chose not to respond.

Inside it took Naomi a while for her eyes to adjust to the clearly very expensive and discreetly subtle lighting and interior. The plush carpet from the entrance way opened up to a large room which, with yet more careful lighting and carpentry had private booths and a large stage that was well lit. The room reeked of money and classy sophistication… until she saw it.

In the middle.

Stood a pole.

Her nemesis.

Naomi groaned… it was like her worst nightmare coming true.

Although at least she was still fully clothed, unlike her nightmare…

'Oh yes Blondie, you are going to well ace the next club evening. Your little princess won't be able to take her eyes off ya. Well if we play our cards right maybe she will be taking more off ya than just her eyes! Cookie will see you proud'.

Cook started to move his hips is a rather lewd fashion until Naomi's look stopped him.

'Cook, I've the balance and coordination of a frog in a blender, and that's on a good day! I've more chance of taking people's eyes _out_ than them being unable to take their eyes off me unless it's for purely comedic value … this is going to be an absolute disaster'

Naomi had a look of despair and hopelessness written broad across her face.

Cook put a brotherly arm around her and hugged her

'Cookie won't let you come to any harm. I've got the best dancers in London here, on their morning off an all, to help out a mate of mine. Fret not sweetheart, the world's our Oyster…some basic moves and you are going to _knock the knickers_ off little Miss Mystery''

'Cookie-monster!'

'Cook!'

'Oi Cook you bloody tosser'

Voices came from the side of them, Naomi guessed her tutors had arrived given their greetings to Cook. Inwardly she tried not to be preparing for the worst.

 _ **The 3 Amigas**_

Never let it be said Naomi Campbell wasn't game. She wasn't a great risk taker, true, but faint a faint heart never won… anything. Let alone a fair maiden

And she wasn't really sure _exactly_ why, but she wanted to impress Miss Mystery so much. She wanted to show her that she wasn't inept and had more to her than shooting her mouth off and waving around a kebab on a London street. She wanted to show she had _style._

Rationally and logically Naomi's brain realised that here, in this Gentlemen's Club, was actually the best time to see whether or not she really _could_ pole dance in any shape or form.

 _No one needed to know what happened at Amigos._ She didn't know the dancers, Cook was under the strictest instructions to bugger off as soon as possible, so she could just give it a go, safe from humiliation.

And pray to god her Mum never, ever found out she was in a Gentlemen's Club learning to dance around a pole.

If she was as bad as she feared with her coordination, she could always develop a _strategic injury,_ that with suitable and appropriate copious bandaging would allow her to regretfully do more than watch from the side lines the next club event. That would leave her plenty of time to check out and hopefully speak to her mystery red head. It might even win her some sympathy and offers to help her in walking etc.

The more she thought about it, the more _that_ idea appealed.

She realised she was stupidly keen on the red head. She wasn't sure logically why. There was just something. They had hardly spoken but … it was a pull, a magnetism, a sense of something really rather wonderful being tantalisingly just within reach. A little tingle and buzz when she thought of her.

Irrational definitely. Unexpected certainly. Addictive absolutely.

She knew nothing about this woman, they hadn't spoken much, but their eyes had conveyed a lot, of that she was sure. She would happily look into those eyes for a while. And she _wanted_ to know more about this woman, wanted to know _so much_ about her.

Her mouth had shot off quick enough without first engaging her brain last time. She couldn't believe how inane she had been, sometimes she wondered how she could still be so good at channelling teenage social angst and shyness when it came to dating and liking someone. That's why Voldemort had been so easy, a friend that became more. Talking was easy because, well they _knew_ each other, _trusted_ each other.

Or so she had thought.

Trust doesn't involve your girlfriend off shagging others if you've agreed monogamy does it? Or blatantly lying to you afterwards?

Back to the red head …she was sure there was flirting, definite flirting, _mutual_ flirting. She was pretty sure the red head had flirted back at her - after all hadn't her last words to Naomi been about Galahad and getting the girl? That must mean she was keen?

She was sure the red head might even have blushed at one stage. Liz, who wouldn't lie about this, was convinced the red head had been eagerly watching her from when she walked in (please god let her not have overheard my inane comments to Caroline Naomi thought desperately) as well as throughout the evening. That had to be good right?

There was just…something.

Admittedly Naomi's absent-without-leave libido had received the kiss of life via a 7 zillion volt shock to reawaken after months of emptiness. All thanks to _that_ voice alone, wow! Talk about kick starting the engine!

Her purely physical response to _that_ voice had been unexpected. She shivered slightly recalling lying in her bed the evening afterwards wondering what more might feel like. Her brain tried to tell her maybe she'd imagined it, maybe she was just drunk, maybe after maybe after maybe. Possibility after possibility.

But she'd told all to Cook and Effy. For some reason this meeting, this woman really mattered. For some reason she wanted and needed to see this red head again. She had to make a positive impression with some grace and flair. Why else would she ever had considered putting herself so very, very far out of her comfort zone?

Cook chose that moment to lean over and sleazily whisper ' _time to be schooled in the way of the mighty pole mate'_ …before leaping out of reach as she went to whack him

He would keep.

'Naomi come and meet your teachers and saviours: the gorgeous Lion, one very experienced Tiger, and the pocket rocket Leopard'. Cook introduced her to three woman standing nearby.

Gladiators TV show in the 90's had nothing on this lot, Naomi thought, as they eyed her up like fresh meat, or in Leopard's case – slightly tainted meat.

And so began the first lesson

 **Reviews always appreciated thank you**


	6. Chapter 6: The Gift of Feedback

**Thanks kindly for the reviews, comments and encouragement– especially Lizzie, Irma and Sexysacer (McBoatface all at sea)**

 **Skins…not mine, but these words are**

 **CHAPTER SIX: The Gift of Feedback**

 _ **Feedback**_

'So tell all' Effy said, handing Naomi a large glass of wine upon her return from her first pole dancing session.

'Not a lot to say really, I'm less of a frog in a blender than when I started, but I've no plans to give up the day job just yet' said Naomi enjoying the cold sauvignon blanc

'Really' Effy arched an eyebrow

'Yes, really, Effy. Apparently it would be a _travesty_ to chuck the job I currently have grafted all these years for, just to _selfishly_ personally show up the _entire network_ of professional dancers across London, causing a mini industry melt down. Frankly I'm a natural, a swan, a gazelle, a butterfly...'

'A lumbering tractor, a crippled Clydesdale?' asked Effy, unaffected by Naomi's heavy sarcasm

'Close Effy, very, very close.'

'Details my dear Miss Haversham.' Effy gave her a look

Naomi sighed.

'Well firstly it's a _lot_ harder than it looks the dancing, secondly _thank god_ I lost all that weight since… you-know-who did you-know-what. And _finally_ I think a couple more sessions and I might be passable enough to not make a complete tit of myself at the 'beginners pole dancing session'. Naomi explained

'I will be a passable beginner rather than a complete loser and tosser, which can only be a plus. My preferred option still remains faking a strategic yet sympathetic injury'

Naomi took a large gulp of wine

'Well t _hat_ would certainly guarantee you a _lengthy date_ on the side lines with your best friend _Crutches'_ Effy blithely replied

'What!' Naomi choked on her wine, cursing that she had told quite so many details to Effy during the "debrief" session

'I checked with Caroline. The same names are down for pole dancing as were down for wine tasting. Your red haired gal, whoever she is, is scheduled to attend'.

'Oh' Naomi looked a strange mixture of crestfallen and excited.

Crestfallen because her preferred option, 'faking injury', had vanished.

Excited because it looked like she would again see 'her' redhead.

As soon as Naomi knew 'faking it' would involve an evening chatting (more like being cornered and listening actually) on the side-lines with 'Crutches' that option immediately became neither viable or tenable. Revisiting in detail the many stations of the London Underground network just was not an experience she was willing to endure a second time.

A gal had limits.

Mentally she decided to make a more determined effort over the next sessions at Amigos.

'Yes I'm not sure why Crutches is going pole dancing either. Reeks of desperation to me too' Effy commented

Naomi's phone pinged.

'Emms' it said

 _ **Cook and Effy - earlier**_

'Well Cook'? Effy arched an eyebrow

'You want a sneaky Blondie update then?' asked Cook

Effy nodded

'Well I dropped her off wiv me Amigas pals and made a big show about leaving just like Blondie made me promise. Then I nipped round the back to have a butchers …and fair play she's really trying is our Naoms.'

Cook pondered for a moment or two

'She weren't too bad for a rank beginner, few more lessons and she's a good chance of getting into a variety of knickers if she really puts her mind to it... at the very least she will have ruined a pair or two'

Cook looked a lot like a proud parent at sports day

'You'd know'

'Effs mate, is it my fault my clients like associating at those place? I'm a man forced by necessity to attend. And as for the other matters – can I help my good looks and boyish charm are irresistible to the ladies?' Cook looked very, very pleased with himself

'You must really miss those cosy nights at home crocheting now you _have_ to attend clubs and ruin women's knickers'

'Like you wouldn't believe Effs, like you wouldn't believe…'

 _ **Effy and Naomi**_

'Who is it'? asked Effy curious about the puzzled expression on Naomi's face as she read her phone following the ping.

'It's Emms' said Naomi scrolling through the text message before a broad smile broke out across her face

'Who?' Effy was none the wiser at the name

'Emms' said Naomi still smiling as she composed a reply

Effy waited, she could be patient when needed. Though lord knew Naomi often tested her patience.

Naomi eventually finished her reply and sent it off and looked up.

'What?' she asked, somewhat perplexed at the stare Effy was sending her

Effy just raised an eyebrow at her and waited

'You know Emms' Naomi persisted, waving her hand casually in a universally dismissive "you know" type gesture, as the phone pinged a response and she looked down to read it and then dashed off a quick reply

Effy waited

'What?' Naomi looked genuinely confused

Effy waited

The phone pinged again. Naomi looked down at it.

'What? It's Emms, you know from the wine tasting'. You know where _you_ instructed me _to smile and say hello_ lots? Naomi looked up and saw Effy's expectant look

'I'm sure I mentioned her, I spoke to her just after narrowly escaping Anna-the-clock-watching-Accountant the second time?'

Effy raised an eyebrow

'Yeah, I'm sure I told you and Cook' said Naomi focussing on replying to the last text.

'She's one of the numbers I got that night. We've been texting and chatting. You'd love her she's really very funny, smart, great company, absolutely doesn't take herself too seriously. We're meeting up tomorrow after work.'

Effy looked hard at Naomi.

'What?' it was Naomi's turn to ask as she looked up from her screen.

Effy smiled that absolutely annoying and mystifying mysterious smile of hers, and instead changed topic to ask Naomi about her pole dancing tutors.

Naomi put the conversation behind her and eagerly explained the 3 tutors were different than she expected, a variety of sizes (small, medium and tall Effy suggested) and were amongst the best dancers on the London scene. They were not at all the vacant, airhead, bimbos Naomi had expected and anticipated.

The small one (Leopard) had seemed quirkily familiar but Naomi didn't know why as, up until this point in time she had not been in the habit of frequenting Gentlemen's Clubs. Maybe she'd seen Leopard before at a bar/restaurant chatting with Cook one time. They certainly were into banter and familiar.

Naomi reckoned Leopard she was a bit full of herself but remembering her Mum's words ('be kind') instead vocalised this to Effy as "Leopard has been, perhaps, _overly_ blessed with a strong sense of self-confidence, belief and self-worth".

Leopard was quite cutting with Naomi, offering in Naomi's opinion unnecessary advice ('n _ecessary improvements'_ according to Leopard) on both fashion and make up. Naomi was fortunately spared too much of the criticism as Leopard flirted _heavily_ with any male around – such as the lucky bar staff and electricians nearby.

The medium one (Lion) was blonde and athletic and had the dirtiest laugh imaginable with a generous nature. She was very positive and had previously worked in Marketing so was happy to chat and generous with her 'insider' tips to the anxious beginner.

Lion had been supportive about Naomi's progress ('we've all been there, just pick yourself up and go again'), never asking about her motivation to learn pole dancing (Naomi suspected Cook had requested they not ask) and had some great stories to tell about Cook and his various hair raising exploits. It seemed Cook's wild side was still well and truly there.

The tall one (Tiger) was an ex Airline Steward ('trolley dolly' noted Effy) who had taken the job to be closer to her boyfriend and ageing Mum. She had been working for a few years as a dancer now (Naomi quickly learned calling them dancers not pole dancers was the correct terminology) and was considering her next options as she didn't want to dance forever. She did however enjoy the freedom of choosing her own hours and the high income.

Tiger was a bit taller than Naomi and explained the mechanics of angle and leverage …which to Naomi's immense surprise, made a lot of sense as Naomi was always better at putting theory into practice, than following directions. Her dancing picked up following the theory chat and things had progressed well.

For reasons not explained, Naomi never got their real names, just their dancing names. She was however very grateful for their assistance. Clearly Cook had asked for the favour because she was totally well below any usual bare minimum dancing standard… Leopard had made that point plain enough, often enough, loudly enough.

They planned 3 more sessions together. Naomi just hoped she could cope.

 _ **Emms**_

Effy and Cook met up at Effy's not long after Naomi had left following her first dancing session.

'So who the fuck is this Emms character?' asked Cook pointedly

'How do you know?' asked Effy, surprised

'Might have had occasion to check out blondies phone earlier today… while she was a bit busy serenading the big pole' Cook tried to look caring and not guilty

'Nice' said Effy. 'Details'

'Well as a starter Naomi really ought to be thinking about _upping her text_ and _minutes allowance_ next month judging by the call records I saw today'

Cook never missed a trick.

He had been worried about Naomi since her bad break up with Voldermort ('never, ever, ever good enough for our blondie. Punched well above her weight and took liberties. Hope she never crosses our path again' as he frequently commented to Effy). While he would obviously help Naomi out, he wasn't below a bit of surreptitious surveillance if the occasion demanded.

'Naomi told me "Emms" was someone from the wine tasting that Naomi _exchanged numbers_ with, has been _texting and chatting_ with. Is apparently she's _very funny, witty and great company'_ said Effy doing speech marks with her hands

Cook just stared at her astonished. Both at the words and Effy being so naff as to use her hands as speech marks

'She's off meeting _Emms_ tonight in fact'

'Can I go watch?' Cook said

 **Well, well…. This could get interesting**

 **Cheers**


	7. Chapter 7: Ahoy There

**So the plot thickens… but the heart wants who the heart wants.**

 **Skins…not mine, but these words are. Shout out to MyNameIsLizze… don't go!**

 **CHAPTER SEVEN: Ahoy There**

 _ **Meeting Emms**_

'Sorry I'm late, my sodding work colleague is going on holiday on some hare-brained, mid-life existential crisis rural he-man-back-to-your-caveman-roots adventure _without any form of modern communication_ , so I had to grab him before he's fully vanished and uncontactable for two weeks Houdini style' Naomi apologised to the short brown haired women who rose to kiss both cheeks in the continental style.

'No problem, how are things?' asked her companion smiling

'Great Emms, great. Work is finally settling down, I haven't thought of the ex in ages, started doing a bit of exercise…and I'm keeping busy' Naomi smiled generously and looked happy

'I can't see you'd be pining away given you are _quite_ the barometer of style and sophistication' Emms managed to keep a straight face

'How much _is_ my mother or my mates paying you then? Naomi asked pointedly

'Not enough, not nearly enough' Emms replied laughing

Emms started talking about her week so far, and had Naomi laughing about the chaos a mouse had caused in the office. Apparently the mouse was a real fashionista and had gone at several pairs of Jimmy Choos unwisely stored under colleague's desks, none of the cheaper footwear, only the very best for this mouse. Then after _going hard,_ the mouse had _gone home._

The story was actually funny, but the way Emms told it was funnier still. Naomi found herself being unusually touchy and seeking contact. Touching Emms arm, shoulder and hand to stop her when the laughter got too much. It was, she thought, not like her.

This was, she suddenly realised, the first time she had felt this comfortable and relaxed with someone since the good times before and then with Voldermort. Before things had gone so very bad, so totally unexpectedly.

It was, she thought, nice, really lovely actually just being with someone she felt this chilled and…well good …with.

'Hellooooo… you all right, Naomi? Hello? Hello? You deaf or what?'

Naomi tuned back in from her musings and found Emms waving her hand across her face with a slightly worried look on her face.

'Yep sure, sorry thinking about something else there'

'Okaaay… look I sort of need a favour. I've got a spare ticket to the ballet tomorrow, you fancy going?'

'You what' Naomi spluttered incredulously

'Yeah I know. Not my thing usually either. But I'm convincing my family and myself I'm cultured and civilised now. My friend dropped out last minute and I really don't want to be stuck at the sodding ballet all by myself, Billy no-mates style … and seeing as you are now clearly the closest and nearest doyen of _style and sophistication_ I thought it might be right up your street' Emms explained

Naomi pondered this for a minute. Ballet was never on her "to-do" list and wasn't something she had ever been interested in.

Okay she had once tried to talk Voldermort into some Matthew Bourne's dance thingy the folk in the office (and newspapers as she'd had a sneaky look over the internet) had raved about … but had quickly been shut down. Something that seemed to have occurred more frequently towards 'the end'….

Bloody hell… why was she back to thinking about her ex? Mentally she slapped herself and remembered it was time to move on.

And before she knew it words just tumbled out of her mouth.

'What the hell, everything once, you're on'

'Really?' Emms looked a bit surprised, but happy

'Yes really, hell why not? I've never been but everyone should go once'

Well clearly _some_ inner part of Naomi was trying to keep faithful to her mantra of trying new things. She'd just agreed to ballet, what was next? Tai Chi? Karate? Ballooning? A tattoo? Cross stitch?

'Thanks – I really owe you one. The Gin and Tonic pre events drinks at the bar are all on me' Emms said gratefully

'Too bloody right they are, and not just pre-event either missy! Oi it's your round now thanks – chop, chop' Naomi gestured towards the bar as Emms, grumbling went to order a round.

Quietly, in a corner behind a newspaper, sat Cook silently observing everything going on.

 _ **Cook & Effy later that night**_

'Spill it James'

'Effs it was all a bit weird'.

Effy quirked the eyebrow, her most effective interrogation technique, honed from years of negotiating battles

'I mean, I couldn't believe it, Blondie was all laughing and touchy, and it seemed very _friendly_ …'

Effy raised the eyebrow again

'Do you think she's keen on this one? Seemed _very friendly_ to me. If so what about the Red Raver she banged on about for so long? You reckon our gals shaken off you-know-who finally? Is Cookie's work here done?'

'Hmmm… early days James, early days'

 _ **Effy and Naomi by phone the next lunchtime**_

'How's the latest bout of "Strictly" going?' asked Effy

'We've progress from frog-in-a-blender to Bambi-on-ice now. So we are definitely seeing progress I think. The laws of physics _will_ be denied my dear Watson'

'More chance of Schrodinger's cat' suggested Effy, idly flicking through papers

'Probably' Naomi was nothing if not a realist about her own pole-dancing shortcomings

'Are you sure I can't come to this dancing evening?' asked Effy suddenly

'Not now. Not ever. Never, never, never…. Never ever in fact! This is a possible complete and utter ritual humiliation that is best kept to those _I don't know_ – Caroline excluded…and I'm bribing her extravagantly, so don't even think about it' replied Naomi.

'Ok well… lets debate it when we meet up later tonight then eh?'

'umm…sorry Effs I'm going to have to cancel tonight'

'A better offer?'

'Doing a mate a favour, Emms needs company for the ballet and she's buying the drinks' Naomi explained

'Ballet' Effys shock came clearly across the phone

'Yeah brand new world, embrace change, feel the fear and do it anyway, mindfulness, zen, broaden horizon, the crystals spoke to me – you know the entire new age drill' Naomi laughed

'You and ballet' Effy managed to splutter, thinking she would have put her house on never hearing those words in the same sentence. Naomi just wasn't the ballet type. Ever. Never in all the years she'd known her had that come up as an option.

'Yep, helping a mate out and not just broadening, bloody fully bore extending my horizons, Gina's going to be well impressed at my new high culture' Naomi was still laughing

'Gina's more likely to have a heart attack and you collect her life insurance' was Effy's retort.

 _ **Naomi and Cook by phone**_

'You are spending an evening watching a bunch of geezers prance about in tights? Have you gone straight on me?' Cook couldn't believe his ears

'No Cook! I'm just helping a mate out and its and all-inclusive, you know all the G&T's I can drink, result'. Naomi patiently explained the positives in the language she thought Cook could best grasp – large volumes of alcohol.

'You want to be all lardy-da now'? Cook said in his best fake posh voice, still incredulous. 'A hankering for the tutu, taffeta and tight buns?' He smirked a little at his own wording

'Maybe. Look it's a classy thing to do. It's actually costing me nothing, I'm helping someone out and getting an unusual experience – it's a no brainer'

Naomi swore she heard Cook mumbling something smutty and highly inappropriate about _unusual experiences_ and other ways of _helping people out_ but she wisely chose to ignore it.

 _ **Ballet that evening**_

The ballet from the get go was shite.

Emms and Naomi fled hurriedly at the first interval to a local pub by unanimous yet unspoken decision.

'Emms there's not enough G&T in the world to induce me to go back for the rest of _that_ ' Naomi flicked her wrist dismissively towards the hall they had only recently escaped from, her face mirroring the horror she inwardly felt

'In fact Emms I may need you to pay for counselling for life… what the hell was all that shite about?'

'Well Ms Campbell, it was a touch _contemporary_ was it not? Both that strangled cat music and whatever the hell the dancing in those well weird outfits was supposed to be about' Emms did genuinely also look horrified.

'In order to redeem myself shall I ply you with copious prosecco?' Emms was clearly contrite, while clearly agreeing the evening had been at the very least regrettable, given the ballet induced horror they had sat through, somewhat stupefied.

Naomi fake fanned herself like a Victorian actress, while nodding her approval.

'I can be traded up from my G&T's for copious – _and it better be copious_ \- prosecco thanks Emms'

Emms was broadly smirking when she got back from the bar with their bubbles.

'What's so funny' asked Naomi

'The bartender knew our story. He said every show, like clock-work, there's folk showing up looking shell shocked and a bit stunned mullet like us… I think he might have sussed we aren't ballet regulars' Emms explained

'He's not wrong' said Naomi reaching desperately for a glass.

 _ **He Did What?**_

'So how goes it' asked Effy as Naomi turned up at hers a bit sweaty, after her last pole dancing 'prep' session.

'It's going well. I'm more confident no one's eyes should be taken out, and there's a chance I might even remain on the pole for more than 2 seconds' Naomi replied

'All in all quite the triumph' Naomi looked happy

'Cookie's told you many times before, it's all about focussing on the _big pole_ and feeling the rhythm _'_ Cook wiggled both his eyebrows and lower extremities in unison alarmingly well

'Can Cookie help you with … other forms of rhythmic preparation?' he smirked

'No' said Naomi firmly. She knew Cook wasn't serious and this was more a game between them

'Shall I put a bet on you, Princess, to win _Strictly?_ I'd get good odds' asked Cook cheekily

'Sure, knock yourself out' said Nomi drolly before adding 'No wait, I'm not a celebrity so that won't work'

'Yes that's certainly the _only reason_ you wouldn't' win' stated Effy

'Well as the event is supposed to be _learn to pole dance_ , I'm feeling quote smug about not being voted out in the first round anyway' said Naomi

They all toasted that idea

'Oi Princess, why did I get those weird and well strange looks from your workmates the other day when I picked you up from work?' asked Cook

Naomi fell about laughing and had to put her glass down so she wouldn't spill it.

Effy and Cook exchanged looks

'Oh Cook its really funny… in a sort of really terrible way' chortled Naomi

'Those looks weren'tfriendlyat all, what gives?' asked Cook

'Well it's just…' Naomi bit her lip hard and thought carefully about what to say next.

Cook waved his hand at her in the universally understood "go on then" manner

'Well look at it from their point of view. You start picking me up. I come back all stiff and sore… then they start noticing the bruises. Yes, yes it was my pole-dancing-but-they-don't-know- serious bruises all over my arms and legs…. And well they put two and two together and I think they may just have got five' Naomi explained

'They've started taking me out for coffee telling me how I can "talk" to them about "anything" and asking if _everything is ok at home'_ Naomi explained

'I just assumed at first they wanted to make sure I was really ok about Voldemort and stuff you know… but this morning I'm sure I heard someone mutter something about "abuse"… and you've been around a lot lately….so I reckon….'

She left the rest of her sentence hanging.

'They reckon I'm clocking you?' Cook was visibly insulted

'No! They just weren't sure why I was behaving differently and …well they are just looking after me I suppose" Naomi tried hurriedly to explain

'You're are going to go in tomorrow and bloody tell them' fumed Cook 'I'm not having your lentil loving nitwit colleagues thinking _that_ about me'

Naomi gasped.

'Bloody hell Cook of course I set them straight the moment I twigged! You are a great bloke and I'd never forgive myself if utter lies went around and affected you. So I thought quickly and came up with the only plausible sounding answer…'

'I'm not having them thinking I'm knocking you about, so whatever you came up with, it better be bloody good' grumbled Cook

'Oh I can't wait for this' said Effy leaning back in the chair, her eyes sparkling

'I told them I've started martial arts training – which explains me being a bit achy and creaky PLUS it explains being covered in bruises.' Naomi explained.

'It's actually really worked a treat, I've got new found respect and street cred. Bonus! Although the only downside is I will actually have to start doing some of that stuff for a bit for a while from now on' explained Naomi

Cook thought hard then started laughing

' _Kebab Karate_ a new calling then Princess? Or was it more ….'

"Let this be a lesson Naomi" said Effy interrupting

'What?' asked Naomi

'If you, had just got _her_ name and _her_ number we wouldn't have all had to go through all this' Effy sighed.

'Wouldn't just admitting the pole dancing throw them off balance more?' asked Cook

Naomi stared at Cook in horror.

'Cook I'm a Construction project manager… if some of those Neanderthal testosterone overloaded imbeciles I work with on site even vaguely suspected I was pole dancing can you imagine the shit I'd get at work? It would never, ever end.'

'Now I've spread the word I'm doing martial arts – it's all about respect from them. Don't worry I'll keep casually dropping in conversations how enjoyable the training is so no-one thinks poorly of you… what I really am bricking though, is exactly what will I say to _her_ the night I see _her_ again? I'm not sure my natural charm will be enough… though perhaps my "skills" at dancing will dazzle her without recourse to my accompanying world famous witty repartee' Naomi looked seriously worried

'Studley, you is going to have to use names to help me out, since you came home with a _phone full of new numbers_ … is it one of those? The ballet babe or the racy red-head? Someone else still? Since you are little Ms Popular nowadays….' pondered Cook

Naomi looked very suspiciously at Cook

Cook clocked his error but he wasn't a super-agent of super-thick footballers without knowing how to cover his or others tracks at short notice.

'Don't look at me like that! You told me you got numbers, you told me you went to ballet, you told me you had dinners, you told me you had drinks… I had _Gina_ down with morechance of being chosen for the next Nasa flight than you willingly going to ballet with geezers and their dangly bits in tights ever happening willingly…' Cook deliberately left the matter hanging

'It's red' mumbled Naomi

'Couldn't quite hear you' said Cook helpfully cupping his hand around his ear in the universal "listening" gesture

'Alright, it's the red head…what do I say when I see her again?' Naomi looked anxious

'You could ask Liz, Caroline or Cook here to pass her notes?' said Effy drily 'Like we were still at school'

'No' said Naomi 'And for the _last time_ neither you or Cook are attending'.

It was fair to say she pouted also.

'You could just spike her drink?' said Cook 'I've got some really good stuff… totally legal too! Just relaxes…'

'No! Thanks Cook but that's not what I was after'

Cook started making suggestions about what she might be "after" and Naomi's mind drifted off. Inside she was already a ball of nervous energy and tension. She had done all the pole dancing preparation training she could, now it was up to her to just get on with it… and think of what to say to the red head to be interesting, engaging, entertaining, captivating, cool and mysterious.

She didn't have a hope. She'd just have to chance her arm and just go for it.

She also really, really hoped the whole thing with the red head hadn't been entirely her drunken imagination

 **Next stop… pole dancing night**

 **Thanks for reading, reviews welcomed if you fancy it**


	8. Chapter 8 Hips Don't Lie

**Skins…not mine, but these words, typos and AU is and are. Thanks to Irma the Lunch Lady and Sexysacer for their wisdom. Also MyWitsEnd (who may not be reading, but what the hell). I read your advice to someone else about writing and appreciate it greatly.**

 **Update actually MyWitsEnd has recently commented on a chapter (I'm thrilled) and inspired me to speed up writing again. This isn't as full a chapter as I'd hoped, but you know, life intervenes, I've got a lot on and this story is determined to tell itself in its own way! I think it's worth it… stick with me…the big meet up happens next (I think)**

 **CHAPTER EIGHT: Hips Don't Lie**

'Alright princess, are we ready to rrrrrrumble' Cook did his best boxing announcer style introduction as he bounced around the room throwing fake boxing punches

'No Cook, I'm not' Naomi was a ball of nerves, and it was blatant she wasn't coping. She looked like death warmed up, horribly pale, sweaty and just excluding nervous tension and appeared wound up tighter than a spring.

Naomi really looked like an awkward and unhappy Madame Tussauds wax model that had miraculously obtained the ability to sweat, while resembling no one you knew despite apparently being rather famous.

Effy passed her a small glass of wine, to _'help her relax a little, while not endangering the life and limbs of all other attendees and innocent bystanders'_ as Cook tactfully put it.

Her friends were trying hard, doing their best to put Naomi at ease before the pole dancing challenge that lay just ahead of her.

Cook and Effy exchanged carefully guarded looks, as Naomi's hand shook slightly as she held the glass.

Cook broke first.

'Blondie, mate you've done the hard work, you ain't gonna fall on your ..' Effy quickly shot him a pointed look '…backside' he quickly amended

'My babalicious amigas all reckon you can pass mustard for a _beginner evening_ ' Cook used his hands to emphasise the _beginner_ aspect to the evening

Naomi still looked pale, but less like a ghost and a bit more lifelike than her previous waxwork impersonation.

Cook threw his arm around her shoulders and squeezed tight

'Mate, you ain't gonna make a tit out of yourself. You are gonna go and blow them all away… have the pick of them those lucky, lucky ladyeez!'

Naomi looked unconvinced, so Cook upped his game again

'Cookie and little cookie could come as wingman and help whisper in their ears what a great sexy sha…'

'COOK!' Naomi roared to interrupt him

Cook smirked triumphantly, while covering his ears.

'Well that made you focus on something else didn't it?' he smirked cheekily

'It's not the actual pole dancing' Naomi mumbled confessionally

'It's not?' Cook looked confused

'No… I'm just worried I've built this thing with _her_ up. What if it's not … jesus what if I'm just making a damn fool of myself, made yet another bloody huge mistake'. Naomi continued.

'What if she blanks me and this is my imginationa dn I'm going to look a tit and I just need to face facts - there won't ever be anyone who will ever fancy me… I might as well become a recluse. She already probably thinks I'm a lunatic escaped from some asylum somewhere with my pathetic prattling'

Cook and Effy looked at each other knowingly. Finally, finally the genie was out of the bottle.

This malaise had been lurking around Naomi for some time but had never been vocalised or expressed. Naomi had been gutted after the breakup and her big fear had always been no one would like her again. Despite her friends frequent reassurances, Naomi just couldn't see it for herself.

'I mean look at me - I'm a bloody wreck. In just over a week I've somehow managed to find myself lying at work about bruises, taking up a silly bloody martial arts hobby I've no real interest in, sneaking into sleazy clubs praying no one sees me and fending off concerned colleagues domestic abuse conversations and interventions… ' Naomi sighed

'And Jesus wept, I'm still praying Gina never, ever, ever hears I'm actually pole dancing and frequenting dodgy' Cook grunted, after all he had let the first _sleazy_ allegation go by, 'Sorry Cook, visiting _high class_ gentlemen's clubs'

Naomi looked pale and worried

'It is what it is' said Effy

Both Cook and Naomi looked a bit blankly at her

'If it's meant to be, it will' Effy rolled her eyes. Honestly Naomi and Cook were equally clueless at times, how she'd never clocked either of them to knock some common sense into them, she still didn't know

Cook rallied.

'Blondie, the laydeez tell me you are like well, well hot on the pole. They don't lie. Haven't I always told you this would happen if you gave me and my pole a chance' Cook smirked lecherously and rolled his hips at Naomi before continuing

'So maybe this red's there and you get on like a house on fire and the earth moves and tilts on its axis or whatever is supposed to happen to you chicks when your hormones go wild. Or maybe this red's not there and the world actually doesn't end. Or maybe she's a blooming total tosser no worthy of you. Whatever. _It ain't about red, it's about you_. And you are one damn fine and sexy woman'

Naomi looked at Cook thankfully. Effy regard Cook thoughtfully.

But he was still Cook

'Or maybe you just nail some action in the loos after each and every one of your deliciously fine pole performances with some random or randoms …' Cook rubbed his hands together with glee, then started to get a glazed look on his face.

'Oh yes, I'm seeing oillllllssss, lots of oil…. and brogues…. could you manage a photo or two for little Cookie and…'

Cook was crisply clipped around the head – Gibbs style – simultaneously, by both Naomi and Effy

 _ **The pub**_

Naomi was meeting Liz outside a fairly nondescript and bland pub somewhere towards London's East End that had required a lot of smartphone map searching and several wrong turns and retraced steps along streets that Naomi would never consider _ever_ confessing to a living soul.

No one else needed to know how anxious she felt. Or how she'd been so busy giving herself little pep talks and running through possible conversations starters should she see the red head again, that she'd got herself lost and had to use her phone to navigate back.

Some things were just best kept to yourself, thought Naomi, just stay calm and don't make a tit of yourself. Her thoughts started meandering back to the sound of that voice and those eyes … when she realised she was nearing the pub and Liz

Liz gave her a big hug when she saw her, and they started catching up on what had been happening in each other's lives.

'So c'mon Campbell, spill with what's happening with Emms', Liz smirked triumphantly at Naomi

Naomi waved her hand dismissively.

'Give it up Liz, she's a mate nothing more'.

Liz raised an eyebrow

'Honestly Liz, I know your keen to see me partnered off and all, and please don't think I haven't heard of that little side bet you made with Cook, but it's just not like that. It's just nice having new friends you feel comfortable with'.

'Oh really?' Liz countered

'Yes really' Naomi firmly replied

'How do I love thee St Campbell of Attractiveness? Okay then, let me count the way's then…' Liz simpered and cooed towards Naomi before starting counting off points on her hands

'One, she got your number'

'She's a friend, that's what you do with _new friends_ , share numbers so you can meet up…. Honestly Liz have you just crawled out from under a rock?' responded Naomi

'Two' Liz continued smoothly as if nothing had been said 'she invites you out, firstly to an arty event a friend just "happened" to thoughtfully bail out of the near last minute'

'Seriously Liz? This is the best you can do? Someone leaves her in the lurch and she invites me and you see a conspiracy and set up?' Naomi questioned, looking at her mate with something close to pity

'Three, secondly she drags you to a pub when her first approach of culture didn't land with you'

'It was an apology' Naomi said, 'The arty thing was pure crap, we agreed that, so she owed me'

'Fourthly she spent the whole night _buying you and plying you_ with drinks… like a proper date'

'It. Was. An. Apology' Naomi carefully and slowly spelt this out like a new language student learning, very slowly, to count. 'And as I'm sure I mentioned – she owed me'

'Fifthly, sixthly and seventhly – if that's even a word - you've been to dinner quite a few times and you must be at risk of RSI with all the texting etc' Liz continued

'People need to eat! Friends can eat together without it being a big deal. Friends text each other' Naomi responded

'Including when _she cooked for you_ at her place' Liz was not to be deterred

'Liz, honestly I appreciate your support but I think you are barking way, way up the wrong tree here' Naomi interrupted.

'And', Liz wasn't going to be denied or stopped, 'She rings and as I'm sure I mentioned previously, you guys text _all the time_ from what I hear'

'Liz, honestly, truly, madly, hand on heart' - and Naomi actually put her hand on her heart at this – 'I'm telling you, if she was interested I'd know.

'I. Would. Know.'

 _ **At Effys**_

'I'm telling you mate, _she doesn't know_ , she's completely bloody clueless' Cook stated firmly to Effy.

Effy simply looked at Cook

'Naomi, she's bloody clueless when the laydeez are flirting with her – you know it' Cook explained

Effy continued looking at Cook – requiring him to be more precise

'Right first off that time at the gym about 3 weeks ago. Naomi rocks up there, like normal, and that well hot receptionist gives her a piece of paper with her phone number on it. Naomi is so bloody clueless _she gave it back_ and said – and here mate I quote directly - "I think you gave me this by accident"

'By accident! Someone that scorching hot gives you their phone number, it a'int no accident for gawds sake! She didn't realise she was being hit on! She's clueless…completely bloody clueless'

Cook was pacing now.

'Eff, honestly, don't get me started but it's so clear than Emms fancies her'

'What makes you think that?' Effy asked

'As you know, Cookie here knows the art of seduction, I wrote the book after all' Cook's modesty in all things hormonal never ceased to amaze Effy

'So anyways… this Emms is taking a traditional and slow burn approach with Naomi. The cultural event, drinks (where yours truly observed at length), dinners, texting and then the big effort - cooking at home – that's when you really are close to sealing the deal that one' said Cook proudly

'I'm surprised you know about these things James, but since you are clearly holding back, spill' Effy requested

'She didn't tell ya did she'? Cook asked glowing like a pool shark about to win money off an unsuspecting punter

'Apparently not, so you tell me' Effy replied coolly

'It was a candle lit dinner at Emms place. She told Naomi some crap about liking to dine by candlelight, but she _personally_ cooked Naomi dinner and they _ate by candlelight'_ Cook stood like a prosecutor who had iron clad incriminating evidence on the accused

'Oh' Effy had a strange look on her face

'So again – I'm telling you again, Naomi is completely bloody clueless and has no idea Emms fancies her' Cook said

'Her confidence is well brittle, she's missing all the signs'

'Well that makes this afternoon _very interesting_ ' said Effy

'I know. Red is gonna show, and Emms will be busy making the final big moves…. Are you sure I can't just pop by and clock a look? Be there for moral support' Cook chanced his arm and went for a boyish grin

'No need. It's alright Cook' Effy said 'We already have eyes on the ground'.

Cook looked astonished

'What like special forces and all that?'

Effy rolled her eyes and reminded herself to stop replicating Naomi mannerisms.

'Yes Cook, something like special forces'

 _ **The pub**_

After agreeing an uneasy peace ('I'm telling you, she's keen on you' grumbled Liz) Liz and Naomi entered the pub and apparently the pole dancing was upstairs, or so mumbled the very disinterested and bored female Aussie bar tender as she gestured them loosely towards a sign marked "Stairs" on the far wall.

'Alright, alright I will say no more, just remember you heard it here first' said Liz in response to Naomi's glares

'Like a stuck record Liz… move on' grumbled Naomi

'So tell me about this new hobby' asked Liz

'What' Naomi tried to stall for time

'Cook told me you had a new hobby, he wasn't half laughing when he told me too. Really cracked up and said to be sure to ask you about it and get "all the details"' Liz explained

'That bastard…' Naomi looked askew

'Well, what is it then'? asked Liz

'I've taken up martial arts, just started actually, cos – you know – I thought it might help my balance and you know, keep the guys in the office and on sites on side, you know how macho they all are'

Naomi tried her most convincing-yet-bored tone

'And of course help with the fitness and meeting new people, change my life, everything once, change my routine – yada, yada, yada'

Inside Naomi swore she was going to make Cook pay for this… somehow…. she just had to think of the cruellest way possible….

'Wow, I never, ever took you for the follow-orders-martial-arts type' said Liz looked slightly astonished

'I have, many skills' Naomi smirked

'Bruising a lot being one of them apparently' said Liz as she gestured toward the bruises on now slightly visible on Naomi's arms

'Come on Liz' Naomi laughed nervously 'No pain. No gain'.

'Alright then _Muscles from Brussels_ , let's see how your balance is on the poles. And I'll be certain to feel safer when we leave here knowing my very own ninja is beside me'

They both walked up to a door, that had a sign coyly stating "Dancing" attached to it. They opened it and went inside.

 **It's all happening next, I'm going to stick with this and hope you are enjoying it. Review if you fancy…. Mostly just be happy!**

 **My NameIsLizzie – I miss you!**


	9. Chapter 9: I Wanna Dance with Somebody

**So now we finally get to dance…. Apologies for the delay but life has been full on. Thanks to everyone who keeps writing and reading… I will carry on with this because, well you know… its fun.**

 **Woohoo Marsupial1974 and the Beauty and the Beast**

 **Usual typos mine, characters not… MyNameIsLizzie I still miss you!**

 **CHAPTER Nine: Dancing by Myself**

Liz and Naomi walked into a small room with a gaggle of women standing in various small groups chatting. Caroline the ever-ready-bouncing blonde yelled at them across the room and came across and gave them both big hugs.

Mentally Naomi gave herself a little internal pep talk. She essentially really knew nothing about "Red" as she had mentally christened her. While they hadn't spoken much, it seemed to her that their eyes had certainly conveyed a lot. She was ready to make a much more positive impression than her drunken kebab rave.

She was going to make sure this time – at this meeting – she spoke with Red. Naomi was internally adamant she was primed, ready to demonstrate innate grace and flair. It was going to be a great afternoon and maybe evening.

She really, really fancied and was intrigued by Red, why else had she put herself so very, very far out of her comfort zone?

Bloody unusual for her, being so well known risk averse and all that.

So it was time to pay the piper and deliver some truly epic and stylish moves on the beginner pole dancing evening and just…chat. Calmly, friendly, civilised, sophisticated, witty and make a positive impression with someone whose very voice made her insides do well weird tumbling somersaults.

Her palms went damp just thinking about it.

No pressure then

A hand fortuitously tapped her shoulder and she turned around to see Emms smiling face beaming up at her.

'Oh hi Emms, how are things?' Naomi was genuinely pleased to see Emms, whose positive outlook and the fact they spent a lot of time laughing together was on its own a brilliant reason to hang out together in her view

'Brill Nai, everything settling down and that idiot manager got his transfer so life is good, very good'. A very happy looking Emms was grinning up at Naomi and put her hand up for a high five.

'Hi…. Emms was it?' Liz had snuck her way into the conversation and had leaned over and extended her hand to interrupt the high five.

'I'm Liz, a long-time pal of old _Nai_ here'.

Liz really had the most peculiar expression on her face, she was smiling but it didn't quite reach her eyes and she was definitely gazing at Liz like a rather judgemental bouncer deciding whether to admit a dodgy patron into their club.

Naomi looked towards Liz with puzzlement showing on her face. Liz wasn't usually that formal or forward, she was much more relaxed and casual and fun usually….

With a heavy heart Naomi remembered the conversation with Liz on the way up to the room _…. I'm telling you, she's keen on you_

Oh oh, Naomi thought, this could get strange, embarrassing and decidedly awkward very quickly unless she acted quickly and decisively.

'Sorry of course yes, my manners, Emms this is Liz', Naomi turned from each of them as she introduced them, and in doing so gave a pointed dagger glance towards Liz who looked completely untroubled and unfazed at the glare, or _Campbell death stare_ as Cook had dubbed it.

Lord knows Cook had been the recipient of the death-stare (and rightfully so in Naomi's opinion) often enough.

'And Liz this is Emms. You guys have got a bit in common, Liz got into a spot of bother with a jacuzzi bath running amok the last time she helped a mate out by house sitting, Emms ended up shifting a load of bricks when her friend asked her to help move home, and dropped one on her toe breaking it. So you are _clearly_ both chivalrous and well-meaning but _frightfully_ unlucky pals I am more than blessed to have'

Deflection…always a neat trick to get people off your case thought Naomi.

'Well Emms, that's sounds like rotten luck', Liz smiled at Emms and turned to Naomi, her eyes gleaming suspiciously, 'Has Nai here been telling you all about her latest hobby?'

Shit, shit, shit thought Naomi

'Oh yes', Emms responded positively 'She's quite gone all Chuck Norris / Steven Seagal / Bruce Lee and into martial arts. I haven't known her nearly as long as you, but I was rather surprised as I didn't think that was the sort of thing she was into at all'

Bugger, bugger, bugger thought Naomi

'Oh you are so on the money there' Liz smiled wickedly at Naomi who was a tad uncomfortable as she had never intended the diversion to focus on her.

'I couldn't believe it myself, more geisha than ninja I reckon, but one of her best mates Cook told me. He really fell about laughing when explaining, took him a couple of goes to explain the whole story, so I reckon he was about as surprised as we both were' Liz added nodding

At this Naomi heard her Mum's voice in her head, sighing and tutting while explaining if she had _just kept things honest_ from the start she wouldn't have had to juggle this maze and morass of lies she seemed to so easily be was concocting….

'Really' Emms cast a frankly curious look in Naomi's direction, 'so come on then what's the whole story then because she doesn't strike me as the type to listen to orders or strike people…'

Naomi wasn't liking where this conversation was going, and cast a desperate look towards Caroline or anyone (no strike that, definitely not crutches or the accountant on the other side of the room she thought she might be desperate, but she wasn't ever going to be _that_ _desperate_ ) to come save her.

Liz laughed wholeheartedly, seeming to warm up to Emms.

'I never got the whole story from Cook actually' and at this she turned and looked curiously at Naomi 'He did just emphasise, really emphasis curiously, that I should _make sure and get all the details_ '

Naomi reached deep inside for her courage, after all these shenanigans and secret visits and lies, she sure as hell wasn't going to out herself as desperate to impress a relatively complete stranger whose name she didn't even know with Liz and Emms. She had her pride, yes battered and bruised from her ex, but she still had her pride after all…

 _Life is what you make it_ and other titbits of advice from her Mum came unbidden into her head.

Well … maybe attack was the best form of defence (after deflection fails) she reasoned internally and pragmatically.

Naomi forced a genuine sounding laugh from somewhere, 'Oh that's just Cook being silly again, you know how very funny and suave he thinks he is' (she discretely crossed her fingers at her side as she stayed with this version of the truth).

'Actually, as I explained to Liz on the way here and I'm sure to you previously Emms' (and feeling bold she turned and winked brazenly at them both), 'it's all part of the grand scheme - meeting new people, change my life, everything once, change my routine – yada, yada, yada – and it doesn't exactly hurt at work either'

She worked her face – somehow – into a rather convincing-yet-bored look, thinking maybe a career in acting wasn't out of the question if she could pull this casual response off …

'Honestly I don't think I will keep it up for that long, I bruise easily' she said, thinking no matter how much she had bruised this last week, Cook would be bruised much, much more once she had finished with him – dropping her in it like this…..

She managed a carefully constructed yet apparently careless shrug before adding "…it is early days. It's just, you know good to try things you know, new things, different things, maybe they work out maybe they don't, but it's the taking part and giving it a go that's positive'

She then tried again for a degree of debutant charm 'And, of course, as you both know ….. _I have many skills'_

'Yes Zena' Emms said laughing

'I sodding knew I'd heard that line before' Liz shook her head 'Naomi said it earlier on the way here and I thought it odd. You are quoting the awesome Xena Warrior Princess at me!' She softly whacked Naomi in the arm

'What can I say, I'm a catch' Naomi smiled and winked, secretly positive and happy that both Liz and Emms had been successfully side tracked from asking her to demonstrate any of the "martial art skills" she had apparently recently been learning.

'Now what about us all getting on with this and pole dancing, got to be good for a laugh. And you know it's actually all proper old school trend being before the yoga/pilates/zumba cross over craze' Naomi was feeling confident now. 'Come on you two old fuddy-duddy's let's go strut our stuff, shake our booty's and have some laughs'

'Done Campbell, my personal zen master, ninja bodyguard and own optimistic life coach ' Liz smirked back

Emms just smiled

Cook was bouncing around the room full of nervous energy.

'Come one Effs, pleeeeezze an update…what's happening? Just a little sneak peek… won't hurt no-one, Cookie needs to know, Cookie like really needs to know'

'Soon' was Effy's calm reply

'It's all good tho right? I mean our girl is real slaying them int she?' pleaded Cook.

'Absolutely' said Effy…and smiled (or not) like a Mona Lisa.

'Bloody hope so, Chri…cripes this is fffff…freaking worse than waiting on the cccc…constipated transfers on the last day of the market'

Cook threw some boxing shapes to try and release the tension he was feeling, not helped by him stupidly promising Effy he would _cut back the swearing_ if she kept him up to date about Naomi's actual pole dancing and the progress of "Redilicious versus Emmszilla"

Two hours later Naomi was genuinely smiling, with a not inconsiderable amount of empty wine glasses around her.

'Woohoo Campbell, who's been keeping their light hidden under a bishel then?' slightly slurred Liz sitting next to her, as she bumped shoulder with Naomi

'Cheers Liz, though I think you might find, as I promised, _I have many skills_ ' laughed Naomi 'oh and please note my lights been under a _bushel_ not a _bishel_ thank you kindly'

'You were amazing' Emms said looking intently at Naomi 'Like seriously wow. Are you sure this was your first time?'

Coasting high on the buzz of some seriously excellent pole moves being nailed, and a not inconsiderable amount of consolation wine, Naomi just grinned and said 'A lady never divulges secrets my dear' and fake fanned herself like an aged aunt in a stuffy Victorian play.

Naomi was happy enough, the evening had gone very well, better than she could have hoped. Those lessons with the amigas had paid off in spades and she had been serenaded with various women congratulating her style and technique and approaching her to chat and share numbers throughout the evening.

Weirdly at times she had felt the hair on the back of her neck prickle and stand up, like someone was watching her intently, but glancing around had seen no one but Caroline doing weirdly vigorous thumbs up signals at her from behind the bar.

Strange, well strange if she thought about it.

So a good evening… but no Red, who had just – a bit crushingly if Naomi was honest - not shown. Naomi had kept a carefully hidden a surreptitious eye out for Red – no missing any sneaky appearances with that fiery colour as an alert.

But as the evening progressed Naomi had, most regretfully, realised an appearance just wasn't happening.

Determined to make the most of it, Naomi had thrown herself at the dancing, chatting to people, laughing and drinking wine.

She'd been a success.

Not the evening she'd been hoping for, but not the worst day in the world either. She had another sip (gulp?) of wine, decided to think no more of it and turned to chat to someone new

'Chris….christmas on a stick' Cook pleaded 'fess the fuc…feck..up I can't stand this'

Cook was a little on the anxious side and unafraid to show it.

'The eagle has landed and our eyes are open' said Effy cryptically

'Wot?' Cook looked confused 'wot the hell are you on about luv?'

Effy took pity and turned her phone to face Cook. There he saw an image of Naomi wrapped vertically around a pole

'Bloody hell, I didn't know our miserable sour faced Naoms could pull that, blimey…' Cooks eyes became distant and glazed

Effy staged a physical intervention, or timely percussive maintenance as she liked to call it, clipping Cook smartly around the ear.

'Houston we have ignition' she said

Emms had interrupted Naomi chatting to someone by grabbing her arm and asked her to demonstrate a move.

Naomi hadn't minded, she carefully put her glass down and went over to one of the temporary poles.

Emms said to her 'I just don't get how you can hang there like that, can you show me that move again'

Naomi laughed and said 'just gifted with an amazing body I reckon' and smirked

And then it happened.

Time stopped.

Naomi would swear later it honest to goodness had. It literally stopped.

That lazy, smokey, sultry and seductive voice that had Naomi's spine and other parts aglow and tingling said 'oh your bodies not _that_ special… '

This was followed by a pause that went on for eternity, before concluding '…for a yoga teacher'

Everything froze.

Slowly Naomi turned around and saw her…. saw red…. literally.

Wow.

There she was. This amazing vision. This glorious red haired woman who looked beyond beautiful, incredibly gorgeous, just a bloody vision was right there. Right in front of her.

Just looking at her melted part of Naomi's brain into goo.

No-one, no-one had ever been able to render her speechless and in awe like this.

Somehow, and to her dying day Naomi could never, ever really be sure quite how, her vocal cords and brain got their act together – probably in disgust at the rest of her capitulating so abjectly - and managed to operate quite independently of the rest of her and speak.

'Hello my favourite lion tamer – how's life in the circus?'

 **Review if you fancy…. Mostly just be happy!**


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